the convert discovers joy

By Doritt Carroll

the church had a slogan for it: JOY, meaning 
that one tried to please Jesus first, then Others, 
and only if there was time left over Yourself

later, after i had given up, i called the mothers’ 
group that met in the rectory basement 
the Martyrdom Olympics     if i mentioned

i’d been sick every other mother had been sicker
and while deathly ill also had driven one hundred 
fifty miles for sports drop-off and iced three 

classrooms’ worth of cupcakes on the way 
when they asked how many children i had 
their response always was the same—“only 

two?” not just because it suggested I was using
birth control but also because it meant i wasn’t 
suffering enough    one of the expressions everyone 

repeated was “offer it up” meaning give your suffering 
to God and one time i made the room fall silent when 
i blurted out “but why would He want it?”

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Doritt Carroll is a native of Washington, DC. Doritt is the winner of Harbor Review’s 2020 Laura Lee Washburn prize for her chapbook, A Meditation on Purgatory. Her poems have appeared or are forthcoming in Main Street Rag and RHINO, among others. Her collection, GLTTL STP, was published by Brickhouse Books. Her chapbook, Sorry You Are Not An Instant Winner, was published by Kattywompus (2017). She has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize.

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