I Said “I Miss You” & You Said “I Love You Too”

By Topaz Winters

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Some things are obvious: I write my best poetry 
when we’re not on speaking terms. The cellulite 
on my thighs grows by the day, blubber 
both weeping & whale song. I take pills to forget 
that my father sounds his happiest when speaking 
in Hindi. You ask whether I’ve eaten even 
when I’m angry with you. My grandparents’ house 
used to be magic, until I was fifteen & it was a house. 
The way you grasp my hand smells like 
cigarette smoke, patchouli, desire, map, so ordinary 
I can forget how extraordinary all this is. I want you 
to choose me more than I want you to love me. 
Now you know everything I know about my father. 
Rilke says go to the limits of your longing.
Janis Joplin says freedom is just another word 
for nothin’ left to lose. I say I’m still mad at you, 
you know, & you say shut up & fall asleep 
on the other end of the phone. This is what it must 
be like for people who believe in God: knowing 
someone else is there, breathing, in the dark.

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Topaz Winters is the Singaporean-American author of So, Stranger (Button Poetry 2022) & Portrait of My Body as a Crime I’m Still Committing (Button Poetry 2019 & 2024). She serves as editor-in-chief of Half Mystic Press & lives between New York & Singapore.

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• 03/13 / Poetry Reading and Conversation with visiting poet-in-residence Hua Xi and local poets Carolina Hospital, Nicole Hospital-Medina, and Holly Iglesias / The BBar at The Betsy-South Beach, Miami Beach, FL / Live and Live-Streamed on Instagram Live/Facebook Live at @swwimmiami / 7-8:30 pm EST / Free

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